These are short stories and articles of different experiences pertaining to Church hurt. Everyone has different experiences concerning this topic, some people may relate and others may not. I pray you are encouraged if you are dealing with an issue. God is able to help you and get you through whatever situation you are in. Please be kind to yourself and be patient with yourself through the healing process. And another thing, be kind and patient with God too, Rome wasn't built in a day :-)
Saturday July 11, 2020
I remember when I was around 10 yrs. old and at Church with my mom. I had to use the restroom and ran into some girls my age there. Anyone who has ever gone to church as a child, you know the bathroom is the hot spot to get away from the adults. I actually had to use the restroom though. After I was done, the girls were hanging out, talking and enjoying each other's company in the restroom. There was one girl who I thought was so pretty; she had on a cute dress and cute shoes. For as long as I can remember, there has been a disconnect between my brain and my mouth, what's in my head and what comes out are two different things. In my mind I said, "...those shoes are so cute...," but what came out was "...your shoes look like little cow's feet..." I wasn't saying it to be mean. Look, I'm a visual person, her shoes were the white patent leather short heels for little girls and it reminded me of a cow's cloven foot (the split or dividing part of a cow's foot). If you look at a cartoon cow standing up, it looks like they have thick high heels on. Think twice and speak once, once something is said, it's out, and you can't take it back (James 3:7-12).
Anyway, I don't know why that came out of my mouth and not, "...oh your shoes are nice!..." I probably would have made some friends that day and avoided what happened next. All I knew was, a hand was flying across my face so hard that it made a loud noise and turned my face to the side. My natural reaction...I slapped the girl back, but not with the same intensity and hatred she hit me with. I struck her just enough that her face turned too. I held back because if I hit her like I wanted to, she would have been on the ground. Funny thing is, the one who slapped me wasn't the girl with the pretty shoes, it was her friend. And the friend said to me, "...that's my friend, and no one talks about my friend like that..." The girl with the pretty shoes was shocked. I was too, so shocked I stayed silent. I mean really? We couldn't talk it out? lol. As far as these mean girls were concerned, I was now the enemy. I wasn't eloquent in speech at that age to explain myself, they probably thought I was the mean one who called their friend a cow foot. I just left, went back to my seat in the sanctuary and never told my mom what happened. All I could think was, what a mess. And so begins the start of a long string of misunderstandings in church for me (Church as in the Body of Christ; congregants, church folk, Christians, a.k.a people at church.)
Church hurt is just that, a hurt or pain that happens in the House of God. Like a slap in the face...Ouch! It doesn't matter who was at fault or if the person was a victim or not; the pain is there, it's felt, and God has to watch it all go down. Google's dictionary online defines hurt as a verb (action word), 1. "cause physical pain or injury to." 2. "cause mental pain or distress to (a person or their feelings.) Come along as we laugh, cry, get angry, etc., and heal together through different stories of church hurt and how to overcome the hurt and pain :-D (James 5:13-16).
~Natacha Grace
Monday July 13, 2020
God has been teaching me 3 things in overcoming church hurt:
1. Forgiveness
2. Faith in Him
3. Fasting for healing
Let's Talk About FORGIVENESS
Forgiveness according to Google's dictionary is to "stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake." Forgiveness is a verb, an action word, something that you do. Stop is a verb too. Just like when you drive up to a stop sign or a red light, you legally have to stop or you can possibly get a ticket. Ok so, how can you stop feeling a certain kind of way towards someone or a situation? No one can make you or force you to do anything. Like with the stop sign illustration; you see it, you make a choice, and you either stop or keep driving. Forgiveness is the same way; you see the person or situation, make a choice, and decide to not hate or hate on them. Your decision on forgiveness will lead you to a good place or a disastrous place. No one by any means said this was easy, remember we're on this journey together! lol :-D
Think about being in an emotionally good place versus an emotionally disastrous place. We live in a "I'm in my feelings" society, where someone can sue you for stepping on their shoe. All I know is, when you don't deal with your issues, your issues deal with you. When you're bitter, everyone can see it or feel it, they feel the negativity. Bad vibes can affect you physically too; you get gray hair, you get pimples on your face, you get anxiety or paranoid, you stop smiling, you get wrinkles or worry lines, your stomach hurts with digestion issues, your joints can lock up, you lose your hair, you feel a frog in your throat, and the list goes on and on. Your joy is noticeably gone. I'm so sorry to say it, but sickness can be tied to your spiritual condition. Your friends may not admit it, but nobody wants to be around you, because all you can talk about is who or what hurt you. All they can feel is your pain and rage, who wants to be around that? A disastrous place is deciding to run the stop sign or a red light and getting into a car crash. Now the police are involved and other lives are involved and possibly a fatality. Has anyone ever watched an episode of Snapped or Who The (Bleep) Did I Marry? Watch an episode and you will see where an extreme case of unforgiveness and revenge can lead. When your decisions, feelings, or hurt lead you to hurt yourself or others you are officially in a disastrous place. James 1:20 "Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires." Uuuugh....How can you get through this?...."...with God everything is possible." Matthew 19:26
I don't know why we choose the negative over the positive, I just know God wants better for us, especially when it comes to the hurt and pain in our lives. In Jeremiah 29:11 God says, "For I know the plans I have for you, says the LORD. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." We are not our best selves staying hurt and in pain emotionally. You may start off that way, but you do not have to stay that way. Being in a good place is not easy to get to. You sometimes have to go through the bad to get to the good. Some of the things that have helped me are: studying and focusing on scriptures pertaining to joy and positivity, listening to encouraging music, journaling, doing devotionals, declaring affirmations, seeing a counselor, and getting involved in a support group. Anothe
Monday July 20, 2020
When I went off to college most people were partying and having the time of their life. I partied a little, but it got old real quick for me. I liked having fun in my own way. I was still trying to figure out who I was, it was my first time away from home, and I didnt really grow up doing a lot of social events. I was a homebody and nerdish. I got saved about a month after school started and never looked back, I took my salvation seriously. Just to clarify getting saved is accepting Jesus Christ into your life. The church I got saved in was near my school and that was the first church I learned what love truly meant. It was an old Baptist church and they became my family in college. Psalm 68:6 says "God places the lonely in families..." It wasn't always easy to receive the love from everyone, I didn't know what love was supposed to look like. Sometimes I would pull back and it was uncomfortable for me. But I would get through it and enjoyed being there. After 2 years of being at my loving church, I left and joined a new church. I think you know where this is going, right? LOL. Why would I leave a loving church (LC) and join a new one? I call it the Bad Boyfriend Syndrome, you leave the Good Boyfriend for the Bad Boyfriend, because you just don't know how to receive and recognize what love is. When you're used to eating junk food, you look for the junk food even if you have a well balanced meal right in front of you. Joining this new church back in college was one of the worst decisions of my life. I eventually returned to my loving (LC) and they welcomed me with open arms, like a loving church would. So, I got a dose of what love looked like and a dose of what love was not with these 2 churches. Let me tell you, that unloving church (UC) messed me up.
Being at an unloving church (UC) helped me to experience this scripture where Jesus says, in John 10:10 "The thief's purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life." Every member at the UC, was abused in one way or the other. The longer you stayed the more messed up you became. Real Talk: it was a cult. The leader would take our school financial aid money; most of us were college students. I remember having to sign a form saying I would not sue the church for my tithes and offerings. I know, I know, I should have left then lol. We would sometimes end services at midnight on a school night, some of us would cook, clean, and wash the leader's car. There were some members who do their hair, hold their Bible, hold their shoes, drive them around, go shopping for them, and other personal things. I think the biggest issue was when members went out of town, we had to alert the leader and be monitored how many times we could miss church services. These were our duties as members and future church leaders. So slowly we stopped communicating with our friends and family outside of the church and the church became our life. I remember thinking to myself, "I can't live like this..." My life was going downhill, I couldn't pay rent, my grades were slipping, and I had no friends. One day I mentally woke up and left, like a bat out of hell. We were young people being used, abused, manipulated, controlled, intimidated, lied to, and the worst of all, it was being done all in the name of God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. It affected my relationship with God gravely. "The thief's purpose is to steal and kill and destroy..."
"My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life." It took me years of counseling to get deprogrammed from the cultish mentality. God only knows how He has helped me to get my mind right after that experience. I had to realize a UC was not Jesus, was not God, was not the Holy Spirit. It was a bunch of broken, hurt people, hurting and breaking other people, who would have eventually turned into unloving church leaders too. Wolves in sheep's clothing. God saved me, so when I say I'm saved, that's what salvation is. Jesus saved me yes from eternal damnation/hell, but he saved me from turning into those sad people, he saved me from a living hell on earth. He helped me make the right decision to leave. Can you imagine if I would have stayed, where would I be right now? Probably mentoring and inflicting pain on some young unsuspecting soul instead of here with you guys about my freedom. Thank you Jesus! Discovering what love is, is not an easy journey if you don't get it early on in life, but with God all things are possible and nothing is ever too late as long as you have breath in your body.
~Natacha Grace
Monday August 3, 2020
God has been teaching me 3 things in overcoming church hurt:
1. Forgiveness
2. Faith in Him
3. Fasting for healing
Let's Talk About FAITH IN HIM
Hebrews 11:1-6
1 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
2 For by it the elders obtained a good report.
3 Through faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that things which are seen were not made of things which do appear.
4 By faith Abel offered unto God a more excellent sacrifice than Cain, by which he obtained witness that he was righteous, God testifying of his gifts: and by it he being dead yet speaketh.
5 By faith Enoch was translated that he should not see death; and was not found, because God had translated him: for before his translation he had this testimony, that he pleased God.
6 But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.
If I had a life verse Hebrews 11:1 would be it and verses 2-6 briefly explains and gives examples of what verse 1 is talking about. This is how I have tried to live my christian life. Another great verse and example of faith in the Bible is below.
Genesis 15:1-6
1 After this, the word of the Lord came to Abram in a vision: "Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, your very great reward."
2 But Abram said, “Sovereign Lord, what can you give me since I remain childless and the one who will inherit[c] my estate is Eliezer of Damascus?”
3 And Abram said, “You have given me no children; so a servant in my household will be my heir.”
4 Then the word of the Lord came to him: “This man will not be your heir, but a son who is your own flesh and blood will be your heir.”
5 He took him outside and said, “Look up at the sky and count the stars—if indeed you can count them.” Then he said to him, “So shall your offspring[d] be.”
6 Abram believed the Lord, and he credited it to him as righteousness.
I remember when I accepted Jesus into my life, I didn't understand everything. I just knew it was the right thing for me and the answers would eventually come. No one personally taught me about faith and spiritual things; I had all these gifts and talents and only God to help me.The Church confirmed what God and the Bible was teaching me. When you get saved it's like you get these super powers from God through the Holy Spirit lol (1 Corinthians 12:7-11). Salvation sets off this alarm in the spirit realm, angels are rejoicing while demons are mad (Luke 15:10). I thought my life was difficult before Christ, it was when I got saved that the real battle started. I suffered psychological, physical, emotional and other forms of attacks. My new faith was dangerous to the enemy and I didn't even know it. I'm not trying to scare anyone, but if you're a christian you should know these things. In John 16:33, Jesus tells his disciples, "... Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”
Having faith in God is a lifelong journey not a destination. There's ups and downs. For me what that looked like was: Before Christ, God was this overseer of the world He didn't interfere in our lives, people were like ants on an ant farm, and He watched over us. In Christ, God was now my long lost Father I didn't know, who I just met and now I needed to obey Him! Wow that was alot for a young christian. Now with Christ, there is a mixture of trust and distrust with God, because I judge Him by my life experiences. So my journey with Faith in Him has been an emotional one. For me if things are good then God is taking care of everything, if things are bad then God is on vacation in my life and I have to wait for Him to return to fix things. Obviously that's not true and I'm a work in progress. In the Bible faith is based on hope and what you cannot see (2 Corinthians 5:7), some days I am a champion of faith and other days not so much lol. I am a visual person and we live in a world where facts, receipts, and what you can see is everything, like in school, in a court of law, on the internet, on the news, etc. There are many distractions in this world, so I have to force myself to focus on unseen things like faith and shut the world out. God chooses to be invisible, so I have to work extra hard not to ignore Him.
What does Faith In Him have to do with church hurt? You have to have faith in order to be healed from church hurt. Faith that God will heal you of your pain, faith that He will take care of your situation, and faith that He will work all things together for your good (Romans 8:28). You will not see it instantly, you will not feel good instantly, and you may not see the good in the midst of pain. But you should believe trouble doesn't always last. I know it sounds crazy, but if you do not put your trust in God to work things out, you may leave the church, you may become bitter, you may despise and be angry with God. It's just in our nature, you won't be able to help what you might do and that's why you need faith to guard you for what the devil wants to do to you; destroy you. In Romans 7:18-25 Apostle Paul writes:
18 And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t.
19 I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway.
20 But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.
21 I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong.
22 I love God’s law with all my heart.
23 But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me.
24 Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death?
25 Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin.
According to the scriptures you can't help but be sinful and ratchet (acting a fool) without God through Jesus Christ. Faith in Him, means different things to different people, but to me it means I can get through anything with God's help. Can He heal me from all the pain and hurt at church? Yes and I'm healing right now. I feel the same as Apostle Paul when he says, I love God's word and I want to do what's right. Please understand I'm not saying you have to put up with abuse or unGodly behavior at a church, it just means trust God in all you do and if He tells you it's time to move on from a particular church, then leave. When you come to the revelation that you are the church, not the building, you will start to heal. You are what God has been after all along, you're the one He wanted and died for, you, not a building or an organization (1 Corinthians 12:27, Psalm 139:14-18). Be encouraged, God is with you and He sees your pain, whatever it is. God Bless.
~Natacha Grace
Monday September 7, 2020
God has been teaching me 3 things in overcoming church hurt:
1. Forgiveness
2. Faith in Him
3. Fasting for healing
Let's Talk About FASTING FOR HEALING
We have talked about Faith, Forgiveness, and now we're talking about Fasting, all these beautiful verbs, action words. This topic isn't easy. I like food, so denying myself of good food to pray is not easy. The flesh wants what it wants and the Spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak (Matthew 26:41). Despite being difficult, it is necessary for continued healing of my Church hurt. I have seen, heard, and experienced some of the foulest things in the house of God and all done in the name of God for God smh. I have had to take many breaks from the physical house of God. One of the greatest pains I have experienced is when someone you trust uses the thing you love the most against you. When God is used against you, to gaslight you, to have you feeling crazy and 2nd guessing your relationship with Him. No one can MAKE you feel a certain way, that's something internal, and that's where fasting comes in.
If you're not balanced on the inside anything can throw you off; words, the weather, a circumstance, a look, it could be anything! According to Google, fasting is a present participle verb, to "abstain from all or some kinds of food or drink, especially as a religious observance." What is a present particple, you may ask? It's an action word with -ing attached at the end of the word meaning it's continuously happening in the moment, according to Google. Fast-ing, ongoing, happening now. This section will not be long like the others. This is your homework, instead of me talking about it, I would like for you to go and do it lol. It's one thing to talk about something and another to experience it. It has changed my life; I'm hear writing before you, which is a testimony, I could be somewhere bitter, but I'm not. Maybe still a little salty, but not bitter anymore lol, and getting better everyday. And I want you reading this to be healed in the name of Jesus. Healing is a process and fasting will exponentially boost that process, I'm just saying. Again this is your homework, I'm already doing it, have done it, and will continue to do it. And you may have already done it too, but let's continuously keep this present participle active in our lives. Pray, go research it if you haven't done it before and forever be changed. You will see the difference. Love you and take care, happy fasting, be set free and get all that God has for you in this life and in the after life. :-)
~Natacha Grace
Monday October 26, 2020
I really haven't been talking much about covid, I was already in hermit mode when it started, so it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. (My condolences to those who have lost the fight with the disease and their grieving families.) The hardest part for me was not being able to travel. I like to travel and I'm actually on my way to Haiti right now. This is one of the only places open right now for travel and little to no cases of covid. People are really sleeping on Haiti. I served in ministry there for 3 years and found Haiti is one of the most beautiful places to vacation, do not believe the media. Yes, there are sad/hositle places in Haiti, but beautiful places too. Just like all over the world, even in America, you will find beautiful and sad places.
October has been a challenging month for me, reality has shown it's true colors. We talked about fasting in September and I'm glad I fasted because I wouldn't be seeing the brighter side right now. When life gives you lemons, you get to make lemonade, but sometimes we forget to add the sugar. 2020 has been the year of self care, taking care of my mental health, no one else could have done it for me. I separated myself from everything and everyone, which was easy because of the covid. I felt I had given so much of myself and I forgot about myself in the last 3 years in serving in ministry. I thought this is what God wanted, for me to be selfless while serving. The devil is a liar and I was truly deceived. Don't get me wrong, I was happy to serve and help, I have a giving heart. BUT, BIG BUT, it left me depleted, sick and hurting. I didn't give God enough room to move, if I had then I wouldn't have been so depleted. I was giving out of myself and not out of the overflow of God. The fullness of God is for you and the overflow is for others. God had to teach me this and it was a painful lesson. So what I have learned, I share with you. I hope you are not as hard headed as I was lol.
I'm still making mistakes and asking God for forgiveness. So don't be so hard on yourself, pick yourself up, tell God you're sorry and ask Him to help you to do better next time. He will give you the strength to fight temptations and the things you are trying to let go (1 Corinthians 10:13). Speaking of temptations, I am in this new age of dating in 2020. And baybaeee long gone are the days of actually getting to know someone for who they truly are, before being intimate with them and dare I say it, marry them before being in an intimate relationship (rolling my eyes). People don't know who they are anymore! People are truly hurting out here, and feel that sex will fill the void they have. I'm not perfect and can't judge nobody, all I know is people need to be careful out here. Everybody wants to be loved and one of the truest loves is loving yourself, before trying to love someone else physically, spiritually or mentally. These are my beliefs and others don't have to believe them. I pray everyone woluld be their best selves and be all that God has designed them to be.
Lastly I don't talk about politics much, but it's news just like covid, so be safe out there going to vote and lets love each other or at least be cordial. Our world is already going through it, let's help each other if we can, and try to show some kindness. Tomorrow is not promised and you don't know when it will be the last time you'll see those closest to you. Be blessed everyone, love you, be safe, and try to laugh and have some fun in your own way. I know I will be. :-)
~Natacha Grace
